Knuckle Puck: Maybe He Is Simply a Grain Enthusiast

Each and every Saturday this season I'll be taking a look at the random happenings and absurdities that occur in the world of hockey. This is the first edition. Feel free to suggest stories, complain or otherwise babble at me via electronic mail.

Sometimes when naming a child, a parent chooses to give their child a special name. Occasionally, they name their offspring after a parent, a friend or someone else who has been influential in their lives. Other times, well, the child is named after a Canadian junior hockey club in Western Canada. This is one of those times.

The Brandon Wheat Kings play in Brandon, Manitoba, Canada. They're a WHL club, not some Western Conference team you've never heard of -- expect severe East Coast bias every Saturday, by the way. I cannot confirm, but what probably happened was about 18 years ago some expecting parent went a little overboard and named their child after their favorite junior hockey club. 'Well, what's the big deal about a kid named Brandon King?' you say. Not so fast. If his name was Brandon, this could be a coincidence. But no, not only did the parents go so far as to name the child after the team, they made sure to name him in such a way that tells the world, 'Yes, we named him after the team on purpose.'

Meet Wheaton King from Brandon, Manitoba who plays for the Brandon Wheat Kings. Somewhere, that kid who got named after Florida quarterback Tim Tebow -- Tebow Sanford Crumley -- is thinking that he doesn't have it so bad after all.

Jokes I Can't Resist Making
- His parents couldn't go with Wheat. That was a little too crazy.
- The worst part is he gets made fun of by teammates named Dayln, Dallas and Klarc.
- OK, to be fair, maybe he really likes Wheat a whole lot.
- Why doesn't it surprise me that this is what it takes to get Deadspin to acknowledge hockey?

Ron Wilson's Playbook
Maybe this is why the Leafs lost to Montreal on Thursday night. Hockey Night in Canada aired a pretty clear picture of coach Ron Wilson's gameplan. Maybe the Habs installed a television behind the bench over the summer.


Then again, maybe Wilson needs some better insights than "No Leaf is ever left behind" which, I guess, is now plausible since Kyle Wellwood is no longer with the team. But what happens if Jeff Finger oversleeps and misses the team bus? Do they just say 'screw it' and keep driving or show up during the second period? That would explain a few things about last season.

YouTube of the Week



This bear from the University of Alaska Fairbanks is ridiculous and clearly has superpowers. No wonder Stephen Colbert is always warning us about bears. This one flies through space blowing up the solar system and then smashes in the roof of a hockey arena! It's these kinds of glorious videos that make me wish I was old enough to remember the 80s... Wait... NAH!

Knuckle Pucker of the Year Nominee
Each week, we'll nominate someone who deserves to be recognized for their outstanding service and commitment to giving me something to write about. By the end of the year I'll come up with some way to declare a winner. Today's nominee is...

ESPN's NHL Power Rankings! Thank you ESPN for having baseball writer Tim Kurkjan fill out your opening week power rankings. Either that, or someone wanted to have fun at the expense of Barry Melrose. Clearly, nobody in the hockey world had a hand in it since the Lightning are 10th (Fifth in the east! That's playoff bound! Easily!), the Canucks are 17th (they do have that Luongo person, right?) and the Devils 24th (HAHAHAHAHA... Ah, man. That's just funny. I think ESPN just pissed off Brodeur into winning another Vezina).

Thank you, ESPN NHL Power Rankings for providing us with some unintentional comedy. It's good to know that none of your hockey writers were consulted during their creation. The article is attributed to Scott Burnside, but we know he's a bright guy and is clearly not behind this.