Each and every Saturday this season I'll be taking a look at the random happenings and absurdities that occur in the world of hockey. Feel free to suggest stories, complain or otherwise babble at me via electronic mail. There's something to be said for Canadians and their level-headedness at least as it compares to us Americans. They always seem so much calmer. But during the past week our neighbors to the North have been in an uproar about Calgary Flames Flu Vaccination Crisis 2009. Sure, they're rightfully up in arms in Alberta that the Flames and their peeps received shots before some of the neediest people in the province but that almost seems like a trivial matter compared to what's going on down here.
While we're duct taping the economy together, bringing machine guns to healthcare debates and desperately trying to figure out if there's a boy in that darned balloon they're worried about flu shots. It must be nice having that as the toughest problem your nation is facing! Now I know, we're kind worried about flu shots too, but it's easily eighth on America's list of Things That Will End the World by 2012 -- right before "zombie apocalypse" and after "iPhones enslave us." So I think the folks up north need to relax a bit. It's like the great Allen Iverson once said, "we're talkin' bout flu shots. Not a plague. Not an epidemic. Flu shots."
And really, what's so wrong with the province of Alberta vaccinating its most precious resource? That's protecting national -- or at least provincial -- interests, I'd say. The chief export of Canada is hockey and vaccinating hockey players is simply insuring and protecting your national treasures. Unless you accidentally give them a super virus that turns them into flesh eating zombies. But ignoring the zombie possibility, I'd say this was a prudent move. Kind of like if we vaccinated some of our national treasures such as the Statue of Liberty, Las Vegas and Tom Cruise. I don't know where we'd be without those three much like Alberta would be in trouble without the Flames or Oilers.
To be fair, it's getting cold and the most at risk in Alberta do need to be vaccinated and that's nothing to joke about. The common flu kills nearly 36,000 people per year in the United States alone. But hey, if you believe the media, Sony Pictures or the Mayans it's all irrelevant because we're screwed anyway.
Famous YouTuber Update of the Week
You've heard all about 5-year old
How to Burn $10,000 in an Hour, Legally
Because actually setting fire to that much money would likely violate any number of laws, the folks at Fenway Park have given us a great solution for when we really just need to get rid of six months' pay really, really fast. Why lose it in a casino or on a super expensive dinner when you can spend it on playing an hour of hockey on the Winter Classic rink at Fenway!
Surprisingly, the folks in charge are claiming that there has been a lot of interest in an hour of ice time that is being sold at rates of $7,500 to $10,000 per hour. Of course most of the interested parties are corporate -- now that's one hell of a holiday party -- so the recession is clearly over if they're spending money on this.
Knuckle Pucker of the Year Nominee
Each week, we'll nominate someone who deserves to be recognized for their outstanding service and commitment to giving me something to write about. By the end of the year I'll come up with some way to declare a winner. Today's nominee is...
... McDonald's Canada! In the midst of a crippling global recession you are on top of your game! Your stock price is at an all time high and you're showing your true colors as apparent Leafs backers by giving this swift kick in the pants to the city of Ottawa: the release of a set of hockey cards that include one Dany Heatley in a Sens sweating declaring him "a hit in Ottawa since joining the team in 2005-06."
Hilariously horrendous timing: I'm lovin' it!
