I'm sure you have all wondered what the NHL does with the hefty revenues the league claims to be making, besides weekly Turtle Wax buffings for Bill Daly and Gary Bettman's hyper-inflated salary.

As reported by The New York Times, it seems that the NHL has gone to great lengths and expense in creating a new head office (including that wicked solid metal logo in the picture), which appears to be any hockey fan's dream of a perfect working space.

Visitors to the N.H.L. offices will experience the theme-park atmosphere as soon as they step off the elevator on the 15th floor. Blurred black-and-white action shots line the walls, and a white-and-black terrazzo floor shimmers, leading to a large illuminated N.H.L. medallion of polished stainless steel.

A palette of grays and icy whites serves as a backdrop for the theme-park elements. Film footage is projected on the reception area wall, and nine monitors line the corridor. Three video games are available in a separate seating area, just beyond the frosted beverage bar, which is used for receptions.

After checking out the photos from that article and Getty's database, I am super impressed and a little bit envious of the NHL's new digs. Wouldn't you want to work in an office that had hockey murals, big screen TVs, and hockey-stick walls? Instead, we have to put up with Grey cubicles and pictures of boring scenery.

The only downside of the new office is the lack of enclosed working spaces and making everyone work in open-space areas. Count Bettman obviously wants to keep a very close eye on all of his minions.

The NHL, not the Chicago Blackhawks or Wrigley Field, will be responsible for doling out tickets to the Winter Classic II next January. So, if you want good tickets to this massive ice party, set to go on at "holy shrine" Wrigley Field, you better be either ...

a. Rich
b. A season ticket holder of the Chicago Blackhawks
c. A season ticket holder of the Detroit Red Wings
d. A season ticket holder of the Chicago Cubs


As "Cranky Blogger" George James Malik of MLive.com opines, this event is more about the Hawks and Wings than promoting the entire NHL, as we are generally told it is.

I think that "this spectacular thing" is all about Bettman partnering with a former president of the Chicago Cubs to raise the national profile of the Chicago Blackhawks. If it was about "the fans," it would have taken place in a much larger venue, and if it was about both teams, it would probably take place in Ann Arbor, where a 100,000-seat stadium would allow the average fan to actually attend the game.

Cranky blogger or not, Malik's feelings are shared, or going to be shared, by a majority of the ticket-hungry public who will find it nigh-impossible to get a good seat, or a seat at all, to this big event.

Sith Lord Gary Bettman, the killjoy that he is, has apparently had enough of the public bickering between Brian Burke and Kevin Lowe and told both men/boys to STFU.

Playing the role of School Marm, Bettman had a teleconference with the aforementioned GMs, and let them know that their insults are 'tarnishing' the league.

Despite my assertion that Burke/Lowe are acting like little children, I agree with The Hockey News' Adam Proteau in that the league shouldn't be trying to put a halt to this petty feud. It makes for great press!

It doesn't matter whether you believe Burke's notion that Lowe single-handedly drove up player costs with his lucrative offers to other teams' restricted free agents, or Lowe's assertion that Burke is "an absolute media junkie" who deserves little credit for building the Ducks into a Stanley Cup champion.

What matters here is people are talking about hockey in July – and, most importantly, the next time the Ducks and Oilers play, there will be a huge buildup of hype and anticipation regarding what the next chapter of the dueling GMs will read like.

Yes, Monsieur Bettman, what hockey needs is LESS press coverage, not more.

Sure, the feuding looks unprofessional, but the NHL is in the business of providing entertainment. When there are no games on TV, why not let fans get their hockey fix through other means?

With the NHL Entry Draft all wrapped up, we need something to keep our minds occupied until the July free agent frenzy.

What better way to kill some time than to come up with some good captions for some funny photos?

Almost any photo of Gary Bettman, a real life Muppet, inspires hundreds of witty caption opportunities. It's as if the guy was created to both torture and humor us. It takes quite a character to invoke emotions from opposite sides of the spectrum.

The official caption: NHL commissioner, Gary Bettman speaks with Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly during the 2008 NHL Entry Draft at Scotiabank Place on June 20, 2008 in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.

Now, I'm sure one of you out there must know what Bettman was telling Daly that day. Have at it!

Long before I started my side career as a hockey blogger, I spent a number of years as a corporate speech writer. Over the course of that time I had the distinct challenge of writing a commencement speech for one of my clients. And when it comes to commencement, there are really only two commandments for an invited speaker: Be brief and be gone.

While you might be thrilled to have been invited, the day isn't about you, it's about the graduates and their families. So be nice, make sure everyone thanks Mom and Dad for all their support, and get out of there.

Safe to say, this is a lesson that's been completely absorbed by NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman. One can hardly blame him. After enduing relentless booing whenever he shows up anywhere in public in an official capacity, it seems as if a new technique has emerged to short-circuit hostile crowds.

Witness last night in the aftermath of the Cup Finals when Bettman emerged to award the Conn Smythe Trophy and the Stanley Cup. Listen closely to the Mellon Arena public address announcer as Bettman walks onto the ice.

The leading contender to host the NHL Winter Classic on New Year's Day 2009 may have come up lame, and we're barely past the quarter pole. In an interview with USA Today, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman, the league has run into some unspecified snags when it comes to using Yankee Stadium next year:

"There is some construction going on, which may impact us," he said. "There are some winterization issues because it's an older stadium. As I sit here today, I don't know whether or not they can be resolved."

Fair enough. And if Yankee Stadium won't be available, what other options does the league have?

We already know that Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell has contacted the league and offered to have Penn State's Beaver Stadium host the game -- as long as its between cross-state rivals Pittsburgh and Philadelphia.

Given how that series has proven to be something of a ratings winner for Versus during this playoff, it might not be a bad idea. As far as Bettman is concerned, he says that an announcement could come as early as next month.

But that's not the only option. There have already been reports concerning a possible game at Soldier Field in Chicago or even Fenway Park in Boston.

Like my former FanHouse colleague, Greg Wyshynski, it isn't terribly often that I find myself in agreement with Larry Brooks of the New York Post. But this morning, as he broke the news that the NHL has fined Anaheim Ducks defenseman $500,000 for not reporting to the team until midseason. As Brooks writes:

[T]he league has sought to punish Niedermayer by fining him approximately $500,000 of his $6.75M salary for missing training camp, unilaterally invoking Article 15.3 (f) of the CBA that reads, "For each day a Player does not report to Training Camp without his Club's permission, his pay will be reduced by 1/275th of his annual . . . salary."

As Brooks goes on to note, the decision to fine Niedermayer is all the more curious considering the fact that Anaheim General Manager Brian Burke gave the sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer permission to take as much time as he liked to make up his mind to decided whether or not to return to the lineup. After all, the intent of this clause seems pretty clear in that it was designed to punish players who would attempt to hold out while under contract, and that clearly wasn't the case with the Ducks and Niedermayer, where the back and forth was actually friendly.

So what's the story behind the fine? According to Brooks, the league is afraid that Niedermayer's example will set a precedent where other team's might look to stash higher-salaried players off the ice to get some cap relief over the course of the season, only to bring them back to the lineup later when the total cap hit will be fractionally less.

The NHL Draft Lottery isn't usually a big television spectacle. Unlike the NBA's draft, which is completely nonsensical and has every team switching places, the NHL's lottery has just one team selected. That team can move up only four spots, so only the bottom five teams have a shot at the 1st overall pick. Kinda hard to make a production out of that, right?

Back in 2005, Sidney Crosby was set to enter the draft, and every GM within smelling distance of the #1 pick was drooling on themselves so much, that their clothes could not possibly absorb any more moisture. No prospect had generated such anticipation, and the league was looking for something to distract the fans from the labor issues. Thus, it made sense to televise the bouncing ping pong balls.

Fast forward to 2008, and The (Toronto) Sports Network, up in Canada, wants to televise the lottery for only the second time ever. This year's big prize? Steve Stamkos, a name hardly synonymous with greatness nearly as much as Sid The Kid is/was.

James Duthie hosts the live, 30-minute event from the TSN Studios, marking the second time in the 13-year history of the conventional lottery the event will be televised, and the first time since 2005.

Billed as the 'Stamkos Sweepstakes', the TSN original production features NHL Deputy Commissioner Bill Daly, who will reveal the lottery results in reverse order, and representatives from each of the five teams who could win the No. 1 pick.

Joining the show via satellite will be Steven Stamkos, the highly-touted Sarnia Sting centre and World Junior Championship gold medal winner.

Why Bill Daly, and not Gary Bettman? I'd never think Bettman could possibly give up the spotlight. Will he be in the bowels of NHL Headquarters, ensuring the 'right' team wins the ball drop?

What happens if Steve Stamkos isn't selected #1 overall? That would be funny, in a slightly-cruel way.

Mad Mike Milbury will be providing analysis. I assume he'll be there to let us know how long to keep Stamkos before trading him away for pennies on the dollar. If we want analysis, can't we get somebody who wasn't known as the worst GM in NHL history?

Although it seems quite silly to televise one little ball drop, it's a good excuse to do a short draft-themed show to showcase some of the best prospects heading into this summer's draft. Any excuse to give the league publicity is a good thing, and speaks to how hockey-mad Canadians can be.

There are two bits of information in this report by Sports Business Journal this morning, and both of them are guaranteed to drive purists into a Tortorellian fit of rage. The more benign of the two is that the NHL plans on placing Stanley Cup Playoffs logos inside each of the blue lines during the postseason, in the area where those "Thank You, Fans!" messages were placed after they stole a season from us. There will also be an NHL logo on the ice behind each net. As far as changes go, this one is more irksome than offensive. I'd actually like to see more art on the ice during a game -- as a Devils fan, perhaps a giant arrow that points to the opposing net to help on the power play.

The second bit of news ... well, it's a little more controversial I imagine: The NHL plans on selling "virtual advertising" on the glass above the ice. From SBJ:

The virtual advertising plan, which still has to be approved by Commissioner Gary Bettman and team owners, is patterned after the same type of advertising behind home plate during televised baseball games. Hockey's version will superimpose ads on the glass above dasherboards that protect spectators. The ads, which will not be visible in the arena, will not affect camera angles or live TV shots.

There seems to be a never-ending debate amongst hockey fans whether the NHL "needs" ESPN if it's ever going to be more than a curiosity on U.S. television. Even after the League re-upped with Versus for a three-year extension earlier this year, there was speculation that some deal would be worked out where NHL games could return to one of the WWL's networks next season. They previously ran on ESPN for over a decade.

So did Commissioner Gary Bettman provide a needle for that balloon yesterday on his XM Radio show?